I've been struggling with not having a title to describe myself in what I do as a job. To be honest, I don't have a title. I just have a regular job. I work 7-4, 30 minutes away from home (imagine that traffic) and I struggle to get up every morning at 5:15am to leave at 6:10am to sit and do a job I dislike. The job I'm currently in is temporary/contract, meaning not permanent, no benefits and I could be terminated "at will", no explanation needed.
Where did I go wrong?
I thought for sure that I would grow up and have a career I loved. Go to work happy and take days off just because I needed a break or mini vacation. Well, things didn't pan out that way. I blame myself for going to college and deciding on the wrong major.
"That major that she majored in don't make no money. But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny." Kanye West
Even though I loved my major, Kanye was right. After changing my major from Nursing to Pyschology, I end up choosing something that made me happy everyday in college, Art. I majored in Art. Yes, THAT major. It was most definitely a major that made people look at me funny and ask, "So, what are you going to do with that??" While in college, I didn't think about what I would do afterwards as much as I should have. I know that's bad, but I honestly wanted to enjoy my time and not think about "Life". Things changed when my Dad got sick. I was in my senior year of college and I began to think, " what if my Dad passes away? I will have so many responsibilities for myself and for my Mom." I started to think about the majors that would make money and I could take care of Mom if anything happened to my Dad. But it was too late. I was already in my senior year, so I had to continue.
My Dad passed away on March 5, 2007.
Continuing on with my senior year when my Dad died, my mindset at that time was to hurry and graduate then get a job to help out at home. My first job out of college was in auto collections for Mercedes-Benz. It was a horrible experience for me because I AM NOT an aggressive, "you have to pay this right now" type of person. I lasted only 2 months. After being unemployed for about 8 months, I got a job working in mortgage for a well known bank. At first, it was cool. I was getting a steady paycheck and I had benefits! I stayed there for 5 years and decided that I needed more. The pay raises at this company were horrible and I was basically making only $1.45 more than I was when I started..5 years ago! I left to go to another bank, but this time, it was a contract position, no benefits but paid twice as much than my previous position. It didn't last long. I was laid off after 6 months and now I'm stuck in the whirlwind of contract/temporary positions working for banks.
I'm stuck in limbo. I feel like its too late to go back to school and learn something all over again, yet I know I need to do something because taking care of my son is my number one priority. I will have to endure these type of jobs with no real titles just so he can be taken care of. A title to me means you've accomplished something. A Doctor, Accountant, Graphic Designer, Engineer, ect; all of these titles sound important, they're accepted in society. The only title that I absolutely love, that I know will always bring a smile to my face is Mom, but my son deserves more from me. I owe him as much effort as I can to make his life the best possible. I have to.
Starting this blog has been one of my priorities in making changes in my life. This is opening me up to others and sharing my writings online, while scared, has been a big step. I love seeing other bloggers and their success, which gives me motivation to continue to learn from them and also continue to write, even if I think what I post doesn't fit the norm. I am passionate about blogging now, surprisingly. I never thought that I would even try to do this, ever! One day, hopefully I will have enough knowledge to make something out of this blog, but right now, I honestly enjoy expressing myself. This still allows me to be creative ( I can kind of use my major) and gives me a much needed outlet. This post is a bit scattered, but this is my current feelings about life. I just want to be the best person I can be, while taking care of my family and helping others.
How important do you think titles are in today's society? Leave me a comment and let me know.
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