Here it is again. The season for more family gatherings and parties. SUMMER. *Sigh* I get so uncomfortable at gatherings. It feels like I can not be myself comfortably. On one hand, you want to socialize with some people, then that feeling of awkwardness takes over because you don't really know how to start a conversation. Small talk is not a favorite for me. Therefore, I know that people think I'm the "stuck up" one at the BBQ because I will quietly get my plate of food and make my way to the other side of the room just to avoid possible conversations heading my way.
As soon as I start eating, here comes the "Why are you eating over here by yourself? Why are you so anti-social?" very loudly, of course (Its usually that one family member you already do not like that much). So, now, not only am I feeling awkward, I'm upset and slightly embarrassed because everyone is looking at who's eating all alone. On this particular day, my boyfriend was there to "save the day" and said to that person, "She's good, let her eat" and touches my shoulder. He gets me and understands my struggle at times with being an introvert.
Honestly, I'm not anti-social, I do like to be around people, but I am selective. I have a handful of friends that I prefer to be around, and that's all I need, but I'm not opposed to making new friends, it just takes a while and I'm picky. My friends know that I value my time and understands what I like and don't like, especially with certain places. There are some places that I just can not handle because I do not like the environment and I will quickly feel uneasy.
- Clubs- I thought when I turned 18 years old that clubbing would be a big part of my life and that I was 'supposed' to enjoy them.. WRONG! My first clubbing experience was NOT fun at all. All in that one night, a huge fight broke out that resulted in the police coming in knocking everyone over. All before that happened, I was trying to make my way out because I felt uncomfortable and bothered by all the obnoxious and overly flirty men (Ugh! Give me my space!). It was a good thing I drove my car that night! *TIP* ALWAYS drive your car so you can get out of places you find yourself uncomfortable.
- Concerts- Ok, this one is slightly embarrassing. I've been to one concert in my life.. back when I was about 12 years old. Bad, I know! Even then, I just didn't like the crowds, and I could barely hear the music, so it wasn't fun. Trust me, as much as I absolutely love Beyoncé, I just can not handle being around the huge crowd that she brings in. But really, isn't it better to watch the concert on TV where you can actually see her performance, while dancing in some comfy sweats and eating junk food? You agree? No? OK... Sorry Bey (and the B-Hive)!
And because I didn't really like to go to those places, I always got the "Ugh, Toya, why are you so boring? You don't like to do fun things!" So, I'm boring because I don't have the same interest in partying like you? I hated when that was said to me. It's not like I didn't go to parties, I did, but I never stayed that long because I honestly would rather be at home. Period.
For the beautiful introvert reading this, please know that it is nothing wrong with you. You don't have to love certain situations in order to feel normal. And what the hell is normal anyway? Be your own introverted self and realize that you don't have to act like someone you're not to fit in. Just be you. You like to have fun, but just in a different way. You know what you like and if someone doesn't understand you, that's okay. As long as you feel great about yourself, nothing else matters.
I'm a work in progress, but I'm very proud to be an Introvert.
Here are some fun Introvert shirts that describe "us" very well!
Until next time,